Holiday blues and a need for freedom
I recently got back from a holiday in beautiful island of Jamaica and even though I’ve been to Jamaica so many times, (my mum is Jamaican), when I got back this time, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness. Was it because it was a huge holiday that included a family reunion with so many of my family members from the UK, USA, Canada and Jamaica? Was it because we came back to rubbish rainy UK weather? Was it because I was due on my period? I think it was a combination of all of those things but I think the main issue was freedom, or lack thereof.
Whilst I did have a schedule on most days of my holiday, as we did visit family and also done some tourist excursions etc, there was a major sense of freedom. I was free from the hustle and bustle of London, free from my 9-5, free from having to think about anything other than enjoying my time in one of my favourite places in the world.
So when I got back it really hit me…hard! I was in a slump for over a week and knew that if I didn’t change my thoughts and start doing things to make myself happy, it could’ve led me down a very dark path. It made me realise that I am not living the true life that I want to live, which is interesting because me from 3 years ago dreamed of having some of the things I have now…my own home, a fully remote job, a better car. But in the grand scheme of things, those personal possessions don’t actually mean that much to me. I am saying that from a place of privilege because those things can be seen as ‘life goals’ to other people, and they were (and still are) to me too. But I am at a place in my life where I just want to be comfortable, have peace of mind, a solid healthy relationship with myself and the freedom to live the life that I want.
As I change and grow as a person, the things I want out of my life also change and that’s ok. You’re allowed to change your mind about anything. You’re allowed to change as a person. I have changed a lot this year, mostly mentally and a little bit physically too, and I have so much clarity about what I want my life to look like by the end of the year, in 2 years and even in 5 years and since I got back from my holiday I am actively taking the steps needed to get me to where I want to be, and where I want to be is free.
Freedom can look different for different people, and so I do not worry about what other people are doing in their lives, unless I am using it as inspiration to push me to my goals. To me, freedom is something that is so simple as a concept but in this day and age, especially with the cost of living crisis it feels so out of reach for most people. I am not going to let that stop me though. If I saw every barrier as a barrier I wouldn’t have achieved half the things I’ve achieved in life.
And that is why I am so grateful that I learned about the law of assumption, mental diet, your thoughts creating your reality, how limiting beliefs hold you back from having what you want and that YOU can create the changes that you want in your life. This reminds me to take back my power, to focus on the outcome I want and to believe in myself, especially on days when I feel like my life is ‘falling apart.’
I am human, I make mistakes but I am so glad I’ve learned the art of self-forgiveness (trust me, it’s an art!) and that I am actively working to better my life. I make affirmation videos to help myself and others remind ourselves of our power and I hope that you will join me on this journey of freedom and living a life that genuinely makes me happy and gives me the freedom I need to be me.
Patrice x
